One Mental Tool I Use to Reduce Stress & Accomplish My Goals
This week I’m in crunch mode before the first collection of Abstract Affirmations prints go up for pre-order on Thursday (Woohoo for that! I’m so excited!)
Last year, “crunch mode” would have meant long nights, little sleep, and endless amounts of worrying about how every little detail would come together.
But not this year, my friends. Thankfully I’ve learned a few things from my various project launches last year, and one of my intentions for 2016 was to make launching a lot less stressful and a lot more fun.
So today I want to share with you one of the biggest mental tools I use to remove stress from my business projects or my life.
But first, I want to kick things off with an illuminating story from one of my favorite books, Essentialism. (If you’re tired of hearing me talk about this book, go grab a copy (aff link) and then you’ll understand why I use it in just about every aspect of my life!) The story is called The Slowest Hiker:
Imagine a scout troop on a hike. The troop is 10 miles away from their final campsite and the scout master is in charge of getting all the scouts to camp before sunset. As they move through the woods, the scout master notices that some of the scouts are naturally moving faster than others. Before long there’s a large gap between the slow scouts and the faster scouts. The slowest scout named Herbie is so far behind that the scout master can’t even keep him in sight. So the scout master tells all the fast scouts at the front to stop and wait for Herbie, and once they’re all together he starts them again. Within minutes the problem is recreated. It’s clear he needs a new strategy.
So he puts Herbie in the front with all the other scouts lined up behind him in order of speed: slowest to fastest. This strategy succeeds in keeping the scouts together, as every scout can keep up with the one in front of him, but there’s one hitch: they’ll never make it to camp by sunset if they move at Herbie’s pace.
That’s when the scout master realizes that the answer is to do everything he can to make things easier for Herbie. With Herbie leading the group, every increase in efficiency for Herbie, however small, will benefit the pace for the entire group. So they remove weight from Herbie’s pack and distribute it across the troop, which does speed up the pace of the entire troop and they make it to camp on time.
In business and management, they use The Slowest Hiker story to deliver this lesson: if you can identify the true “constraint” — the one part of the process that is holding up the rest — than you can improve the entire system just by alleviating that constraint.
That’s a helpful reminder, but I actually glean an even broader lesson from The Slowest Hiker and it’s one that I continue to apply to my business and life. I think this story is about IMPACT.
Not all effort is created equal. You have to decide what effort will create the most impact in achieving your final goal.
“Not all effort is created equal. You have to decide what effort will create the most impact in achieving your final goal.”
This idea is beautifully described in an article that my better half Jason wrote to his list last week called “Put Down The Toothpick and Pick Up The Hammer.”
So often we approach our businesses or lives by making toothpick-sized changes. We nitpick at the imperfections on our website or we spend days tweaking one line of sales copy until it’s perfect or searching page upon page for that perfect icon.
What we really should be doing is looking for the hammer-sized changes. We should be tackling things that have a direct correlation to the goal we’re reaching for. Those kinds of changes might feel riskier or bigger, but they ultimately will result in an impact that can be felt and seen. Maybe it’s nailing down your ideal audience or finally committing to a content schedule and sitting down to write those blog posts you’ve been meaning to write.
With every single item on my to-do list getting ready for this pre-order launch, if I find myself at a sticky point, I simply ask myself these three questions:
- Is spending ____ hours doing _______ a good use of my time?
- Will this task of ________ have a tangible, substantial impact on my final outcome?
- And the kicker: Do I still have outstanding things to be done that WILL affect my final outcome?
That last one usually seals the deal for me and I realize that spending two hours searching for the perfect stock photo when I haven’t even loaded all the products into the shop is NOT an efficient use of my time.
I know it may sound silly and overly simple say focus on the foundational things, but I also know that there are tons of you out there who, like me, often find yourselves debating the minutiae as a way to hide from the big, scary stuff that matters.
And unfortunately, when we spend our precious time on stuff that doesn’t have a substantial impact, we end up down to the wire, beyond stressed, and wondering where all that time went. It went to the toothpicks!
My challenge to you this week is to learn to identify the Herbie’s on your to do list.
Learn to evaluate tasks based on the impact they’ll have on your final outcome.
When you’re able to finally let go of all the toothpick-sized tasks and only focus on the things that will get you to your goal, you’ll be amazed at the time and mental energy you can free up.
Because making things should be fun, not stressful, right?!
There are just a handful of days before the first pre-order window goes live for the Art Shop, and there’s no scrambling, no sleepless nights... just pure excitement.
Thanks again for all the support, you guys! It means the world.
Now get out there and start your week off right!
Framing Your Year with Thoughtful Reduction
Happy first week of 2016, friends!
It’s a new year, a fresh start, and now is as good a time as any to start living your most vibrant life. So let’s see if we can make that happen, okay? Okay!
Just to recap, last week we talked about taking a departure from the typical resolution mindset and instead thinking about how to cause a revolution in the way you think about your life — a mindset shift that could really make a huge impact on your life one year from today.
Well, this week I want to talk about another practical way that I implement that kind of big change in my thinking at the start of each year.
You may have seen or heard about this approach before, but I like to choose one word as a way to frame up my year and intentionally move forward toward the life that I want. I’ve been doing this since 2012 after getting the idea from a few blogs I followed, and now Jason and I have done this together as a couple for the past two years.
2015's one word theme was SAVOR. To me, that word was like a capsule for all of these other things I knew I wanted to fold into my life: a slower pace, sinking into joyful moments, showing gratitude, being fully present, finding contentment in my current circumstances whatever they may be. One of the very definitions of the word savor in fact — which I adore — is “to give oneself to the enjoyment of.” How delightful is that?
I truly believe that by keeping this word (savor) top of mind, these concepts were able to truly permeate my year. I found myself (mostly) soaking up a slower pace and really allowing myself to enjoy some of the fruits of my labors rather than living in a perpetual “hustle mode.” (This was, of course, helped along by our decision to move to sunny California where we found ourselves surrounded by natural beauty, gorgeous weather, and so many other happy components to our daily life.)
Fresh off this year of savoring life’s best moments, I now find myself ready to evolve that intention to something slightly different. But what?
Well, the past month has served as an incredible time of reflection and clarity as I take a look at my daily life and Made Vibrant as a whole. While so much feels like it’s right where it should be, there are still a few areas where stress or anxiety stubbornly remains.
Thinking about how to improve upon that — and largely influenced by one of my favorite books I read last year, Essentialism by Greg McKeown — the one word I want to contemplate this year is: CURATE.
For me, to curate conjures up the idea of thoughtful reduction. It’s about selecting and sorting a few quality things from the many. It's separating the signal from the noise.
Over the past few years, Jason and I have been making gradual strides towards a more minimal lifestyle and I’ve seen such a positive impact on my happiness from a lot of those experiments. Experiments like selling most of my wardrobe (I currently own about 15% of the clothing I used to) or getting rid of all our furniture/possessions when we moved (with the exception of a bed frame, two desks and a love seat we purchased when we moved to California, everything we own can fit inside our VW Tiguan.)
Ridding myself of all that tangible excess led to some interesting discoveries. Not only do a feel like a lighter, freer, more flexible human being because of it, but throughout that process I’ve also naturally found myself more concerned with seeking out things that are of higher quality.
In the words of Essentialism, it is the simple notion of “Less, but better.”
That mentality has now bled into so many aspects of my life: less but better possessions, less but better opportunities I say yes to, less but better things I decide to focus my energy on.
By focusing on that word, curate, I want 2016 to be about fully assimilating that idea into every aspect of my life -- more specifically my business.
I’m a person who has never found myself hurting for ideas. In fact, I often feel I have far too many ideas. (This will not shock most of you given our history together over the course of these weekly letters.)
The problem with that, however, is that I have this palpable sense of urgency all the time that tells me everything has to be done all at once. As I result, I often find myself working on 15 different things and planting seeds in about 15 different gardens, never fully feeling like I’m fully able to harvest anything to the best of my ability. To use an illustration from Greg’s book, it’s the difference between this and this:
On that note, recently I was listening to Tim Ferriss’s podcast episode with Derek Sivers, and Tim offhandedly says something to the effect of: “We often vastly overestimate the amount of things we can get done in one day and vastly underestimate the things we can get done in one year.”
That is so true, I thought, thinking immediately of all the times I’ve had a daily to-do list about 10 things long, and only found myself getting around to 1 or 2 of them. This is a direct result of what’s illustrated above.
“Focus, by definition, requires some elimination. When we try to focus on “more” we often accomplish less.”
Instead, I thought, what if I curate my day more intentionally. In fact, what if I conservatively just give myself ONE to-do item every day. Something I can focus on without the distraction of all my other to-dos. That way, if I get that one big thing done, all the other little things are gravy on top.
And to take that point further: What would happen if curated my relationships — if I focused on maintaining a few of my deep, meaningful friendships instead of feeling guilty over and overwhelmed by trying to keep up with every casual friend and connection I have. What would happen if I more consciously curated the events I attend or the places we travel or the blogs that I read? What if I had a curator's mindset when selecting the projects I’m working on at any given time?
That’s what I want this year to be an exploration of: less, but better.
All of this not in an effort to restrict or restrain myself, but in an effort to trim the chaos down just enough to reveal the quality.
As the girl who wants to do it all and do it all RIGHT NOW, I know it won’t be easy but I think it will be a great experiment nonetheless! I think there's a time for exploration and expansion and a time for reduction. Both can serve us at different times in our journeys and right now I've found that I can do a lot more with less.
So, my question for you this week is: what’s your theme word for 2016?
What comes to mind when you think of where last year has led you and where you hope to be next January? Let me know in the comments!
Whatever word you choose, it’s my belief that mindful, intentional living is always a recipe for a vibrant year, so I know this exercise will bring you value!
Here's to a year of thoughtful reduction!
Defending The Essential
Boy oh boy has it been a whirlwind of a few weeks for me!
My world, my routines, my comfort — they’ve all been turned upside down by trips to South Dakota then Mexico then Palm Springs. My introverted ways have definitely been tested from moments of speaking to crowds and navigating group vacations and giving my all to days and days of conversation.
Don’t get me wrong, while this stretch has brought me immense joy with its gorgeous views, lasting memories and deepening friendships, if I’m being honest, coming out the other side feels a bit like I've been tossed around in a washing machine with no clue as to which way is up.
At first glance it's hard to know how I got so "over-booked" in the first place, but upon further inspection, it's actually no wonder at all.
As humans, our instinct is to think we can do it all.
Of course I want to speak at TEDx! Of course I want to go on a Mexican vacation! OF COURSE I want to have a fun girls trip with my best friends in the world!
But all at once? Back to back? My current state is teaching me... maybe not so much.
Which leads me to this week's topic: essentialism.
To be more accurate, that's Essentialism with a capital E, because when I returned from my trip on Friday, as a part of my I'm-an-introvert-and-need-alone-time recuperation regiment, I started reading the book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown.
The guiding principle of the book can be boiled down to this one phrase: less but better. It's the acknowledgement that eliminating non-essentials and focusing on a few key things will allow us to more effectively allocate our limited resources (time, money, energy, thought, etc.) to the things that matter most.
I'm just a few chapters in and already it's proving to be a powerful reminder for me of how defining the essential can be applied to all sorts of things: my work productivity, my business strategy, my wardrobe, my relationships, my daily routine... the list goes on.
The timing of the book felt especially poignant for me (coming off my "I can do it all" travel-palooza) when I read this:
“But when we try to do it all and have it all, we find ourselves making trade-offs at the margins that we would never take on as our intentional strategy. When we don’t purposefully and deliberately choose where to focus our energies and time, other people — our bosses, our colleagues, our clients, and even our families — will choose for us, and before long we’ll have lost sight of everything that is meaningful and important. We can either make our choices deliberately or allow other people’s agendas to control our lives.”
— Greg McKeown, Essentialism
The thing that stood out to me there was the part about trade-offs. By assuming I could cram all of this travel into my schedule, there are things I had to sacrifice that I would never normally intentionally sacrifice. Things like my daily art practice, keeping up with this community, healthier habits, enough sleep, etc.
By sitting down and really defining what is essential -- what we value MOST in our lives (ie. not a list of 40 things) -- we are better equipped to take control over those trade-offs.
The lesson I learned these past few weeks was that as much as I think I know what my values are, I need to do a better job of defining them and, more importantly, protecting them. I need to take a hard look at what is absolutely essential in my own life so that I can decide what trade-offs I'm willing to make, rather than let other people choose for me. (For the record, let me be clear that no one forced me to go on these trips, nor did I NOT want to go. That's the whole point, I wanted so badly to do everything that I avoided making a hard decision that could have spared me from sacrificing some of my essentials.)
Before I wrap up, I want to share with you a timely example of someone I admire immensely defining their "essential" and defending it courageously.
Last night, I had the pleasure of seeing Elizabeth Gilbert on her Big Magic book tour. She was magnificent and wise and as delightful as I’d always imagined. (Side note: as I was writing this newsletter, she actually regrammed my lettering piece of one of my favorite quotes in her book and I pretty much died -- in the best way possible of course!)
At the end of the evening though last night, right before you might expect her to announce where you could line up to have her sign a copy of her book, with a heavy heart she sincerely explained why she had made the decision NOT to do a book signing line on this tour. She very clearly and authentically expressed that she knew the limitations of her body and her health, and after doing several previous book tours, she knew that she wouldn't last through the middle of December across multiple continents if every night she greeted hundreds individually. Her body (or energy reserves) just wouldn't allow it.
She apologized, of course, and while for a moment I was disappointed that I wouldn’t get to give her the giant bear hug I'd planned, that moment of disappointment quickly turned into immense respect and gratitude.
She was showing us (showing me) what an intentional trade-off looks like up close. She was showing me what it looks like to make hard decisions in defense of your values. Staying energized to the max so that she can give every audience her best self requires saying NO to hours of hugs and book signings and convos with audience members, and that's a trade-off that, while difficult, was worth it. It required delivering momentary disappointment in exchange for her essential -- staying healthy and being the best version of herself for the duration of the tour.
What a gift, I thought.
After explaining all of this, she ended by reciting this poem by Louise Erdrich, throughout the entirety of which I could not wipe the huge grin off my face because it could not have been more fitting for this idea of trade-offs and defining what is essential to us.
Here’s the poem:
"Advice to Myself" by Louise Erdrich
Leave the dishes.
Let the celery rot in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator
and an earthen scum harden on the kitchen floor.
Leave the black crumbs in the bottom of the toaster.
Throw the cracked bowl out and don't patch the cup.
Don't patch anything. Don't mend. Buy safety pins.
Don't even sew on a button.
Let the wind have its way, then the earth
that invades as dust and then the dead
foaming up in gray rolls underneath the couch.
Talk to them. Tell them they are welcome.
Don't keep all the pieces of the puzzles
or the doll's tiny shoes in pairs, don't worry
who uses whose toothbrush or if anything
matches, at all.
Except one word to another. Or a thought.
Pursue the authentic - decide first
what is authentic,
then go after it with all your heart.
Your heart, that place
you don't even think of cleaning out.
That closet stuffed with savage mementos.
Don't sort the paper clips from screws from saved baby teeth
or worry if we're all eating cereal for dinner again. Don't answer
the telephone, ever,
or weep over anything at all that breaks.
Pink molds will grow within those sealed cartons
in the refrigerator. Accept new forms of life
and talk to the dead
who drift in through the screened windows, who collect
patiently on the tops of food jars and books.
Recycle the mail, don't read it, don't read anything
except what destroys
the insulation between yourself and your experience
or what pulls down or what strikes at or what shatters
this ruse you call necessity.
Ahhh, yes. "This ruse you call necessity."
I adore this poem. I adore it because it is a poignant and (to me) hilarious reminder of the trade-offs we must make in life in order to protect our TRUE necessities, our essential. The things that make us come alive. The things that "destroy the insulation" between ourselves and our experiences. That magical transcendence of living in alignment with our true selves.
So my challenge to you this week is to first define your essential.
What are the things you're simply not willing to sacrifice as a trade-off? Is it your health? The pursuit of your creativity? Is it that hour of silence you require in the morning to start your day right? Is it doing work that gives you that fiery stir in the pit of your stomach?
Whatever it is, write it down. Once you do that, I'd also encourage you to write down some of the trade-offs you might have to make in order to DEFEND those things.
“It’s not enough to define what’s essential to us; we must also DEFEND what is essential to us.”
Get really honest with yourself and write down some hard ones. It might be saying no to the book club you love so you can spend that hour each week writing the first draft of your own book. It might be shelving that business idea for now so that you can be all in with your kids when they get home from school. Whatever those values are, it's important to prepare yourself for those challenging moments when you might have to protect them.
Looking back, I wish I had a better sense of my own essentials so that I had the courage to raise my hand and say "I can't travel on those dates" because even though I loved each of those trips and enjoyed them, I'd be lying to myself if I said I brought my best self to each experience, and that's not fair to me or anyone else.
Anyway, happy to be re-connecting with you guys and thanks for your patience in the Slack channel and on email lately -- I appreciate it.
